Today is my husband, Cliff Hackel, and my 20thWedding Anniversary.

Yep. We got married on the Fourth of July. Independence Day.

It was a sunny day, brilliant blue skies, and there we were in a beautiful garden in Aldie, VA, surrounded by our families, best friends, and bright orange daylilies.

Small, intimate, and oxymoronic, but so right.

Ring them bells.

Here are six money lessons I’ve learned in these two decades that have kept our partnership happy and solid.

Live debt-free. Cliff is a raging debt-o-phobe, so the only debt we have had since we bought our house in Washington, DC, days before our marriage is a mortgage. All credit cards are paid in full each month. House rule.

Keep separate and joint accounts. We keep joint savings, checking and investments accounts. But we also have our individual retirement accounts, bank and credit card accounts. This is key, especially for women. Having your own accounts allows you to have established good credit records of your own, in case things head south. I also have a phone and electric bill in my name. Financial independence.

A pre-approved purchase agreement. We have an unspoken agreement that purchases below a certain amount are discretionary. If the dollar amount creeps above $500, say, a big airfare to visit a pal in Hong Kong, then we discuss. This has never been a problem for us, but keeps the big-ticket items from being a surprise. And it provides a sense of accountability.

When I was single, I did manage to run up some credit card debt. Mostly, I think because I didn’t have someone to act as my check and balance. I’m grateful for Cliff’s oversight. Honest.

Vacation together. We both travel a lot on business and to visit and spend time with family and friends, so it’s key that we set aside at least a week each year that is our trip. Most years we have tried to travel to a different country and absorb a new culture, but some years heading to Mendocino on the left coast, as Washingtonians sometimes view it, is idyllic. The point is we spend money to spend time together and have shared experiences. Priceless.

Set a date night. Save from my youthful 20s spent living in New York City, dining out and entertainment have never been a big part of either of our budgets. And in our line of business, we do tend to have working meals, when we’re on the road. Plus, we both like to cook, and we always say you can’t get a meal out as nice as what we can cook at home, or in our country cottage, where we can dine al fresco overlooking the Shenandoah Mountains and Old Rag.

But we try to find one night a week that we do something out together. This doesn’t always pan out, but when it does it’s money well spent. It’s never extravagant-often a movie and tapas at our favorite Spanish restaurant inBethesda, Jaleo. We belly up to the tiled-bar counter, perch on stools, and order a few dishes. Or we might shell out for tickets to go to hear EmmyLou Harris at Wolf Trap or Daniel Lanois and Trixie Whitley at the 9:30 Club.

Keep earning. Money is power in a marriage–even if it’s subliminal, unspoken. When my income dips, I can feel the balance of our relationship shift. Not a word has been spoken, but I know it. I have to rein in spending. Check my horse habit. Stop buying so many books. In the years, when I earned more, we got along better. Money “discussions” were few and far between and that made everything less stressful.

Finally, we both share a work ethic that bolsters and supports the other. We have given each other the gift of financial independence, so we can follow our dreams, work for ourselves and pursue projects that have meaning for us– and touch others lives at the same time

The best part about being married: We believe in each other’s talents and crafts and are each other’s biggest fans. That is something you don’t know when you get married. It develops over time, and it’s a reward of marriage that is, for me, the best. It’s better than sharing the financial responsibility of and all the monetary reasons why having a partner makes life easier.

Here is the blessing Herbie Blinder, the Ethical Culturalist, who married us read to us on our wedding day.

Navajo Wedding Blessing

“Now you will feel no rain,

for each of you will be shelter to the other.

Now you will feel no cold,

for each of you will be warmth for the other.

Now there is no room for loneliness,

for each of you will be [a] companion to the other.

Now you are two persons, but there is [but] one life before you.

 

And may your days be good and long upon this earth.”

 

Happy 4th of July!
I’m the author of What’s Next? Follow Your Passion and Find Your Dream Job, available here www.kerryhannon.com. I am a MetLife Foundation Journalists in Aging fellow. To learn about great jobs for retirees, check out my column at AARP. My weekly column  at PBS’s NextAvenue.org is here. Follow me on Twitter, @KerryHannon

Share Button