{"id":8769,"date":"2021-05-29T10:55:33","date_gmt":"2021-05-29T14:55:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?p=8769"},"modified":"2021-05-29T11:23:16","modified_gmt":"2021-05-29T15:23:16","slug":"why-the-loss-of-a-pet-can-build-resilience","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?p=8769","title":{"rendered":"Why The Loss of a Pet Can Build Resilience"},"content":{"rendered":"<header class=\"css-g0ke1q euiyums1\">\n<div class=\"css-hme5ai euiyums0\"><\/div>\n<\/header>\n<section class=\"meteredContent css-1r7ky0e\">\n<div class=\"css-1fanzo5 StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\"><a href=\"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?attachment_id=6898\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-6898\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"6898\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?attachment_id=6898\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/download.png?fit=240%2C210&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"240,210\" data-comments-opened=\"0\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"download\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/download.png?fit=240%2C210&amp;ssl=1\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/download.png?fit=240%2C210&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-6898 size-thumbnail\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/download.png?resize=150%2C150&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" \/><\/a>It\u2019s been four months, and I still fight back tears when I\u2019m reminded of the death of my Labrador retriever, Zena. The haunting image of finding her lying on the kitchen floor flashes back: her jaw clenched, eyes open and body lifeless but warm.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">She was nearly 13, but there were no signs she was in distress when I left her 20 minutes earlier. Yet she was gone. I felt as if I let her down in some way. I wasn\u2019t there for her.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_8542\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-8542\" style=\"width: 148px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?attachment_id=8542\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8542\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"8542\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?attachment_id=8542\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/zat11.jpg?fit=1011%2C2045&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1011,2045\" data-comments-opened=\"0\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;2.2&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;iPhone 6&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;1550921614&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;4.15&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;50&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0.0083333333333333&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"zat11\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/zat11.jpg?fit=148%2C300&amp;ssl=1\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/zat11.jpg?fit=506%2C1024&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"wp-image-8542 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/zat11.jpg?resize=148%2C300&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"148\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/zat11.jpg?resize=148%2C300&amp;ssl=1 148w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/zat11.jpg?resize=506%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 506w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/zat11.jpg?resize=768%2C1553&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/zat11.jpg?resize=600%2C1214&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/zat11.jpg?resize=759%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 759w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/zat11.jpg?w=1011&amp;ssl=1 1011w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 148px) 100vw, 148px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-8542\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Zena<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">When Zena was just a few months old, she curled up on the bed with my 88-year-old father, as I held his hand, and he softly exhaled his last breath. My younger brother, Jack, died unexpectedly three years ago. I clung to Zena for comfort.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-1fanzo5 StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">My first experience with death was losing my turtles, Charlie and Tina, at 6. I\u2019ve since lost friends, relatives, other dogs, cats, horses. Decades later, Zena\u2019s death has sharply reminded me how aching grief is.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">Our pets are a part of the everyday fabric of our lives in a way that few human relationships are. When you lose one that is close to you, something inside shifts.<\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2021\/05\/03\/health\/pets-death-lessons-strength.html\">Read on The New York Times<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">And yet the death of a family pet can remind us of how vulnerable, precarious and precious life is. It\u2019s that process of acceptance and letting go that builds the resilience necessary to navigate an array of life\u2019s obstacles. We hone an ability to adapt to the evanescence of our lives with grace and hope.<\/p>\n<div id=\"NYT_MAIN_CONTENT_1_REGION\" class=\"css-9tf9ac\">\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div class=\"css-bdfzry\"><span style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen-Sans, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;\">\u201cWe\u2019re changed and transformed by the loss,\u201d said Leigh Chethik, a clinical <\/span><a class=\"css-1g7m0tk\" style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen-Sans, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;\" title=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/sites.google.com\/view\/ahuja-chethik-associates\/home\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">psychologist<\/a><span style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen-Sans, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;\">\u00a0in Chicago. \u201cIt brings impermanence and death into an updated internal, emotional map. This loss can help us with whatever comes next, whatever future losses may be in store. We come to see that we can create a new understanding and attach to new dreams.\u201d Below are some ways in which the loss of a beloved pet can be a catalyst for personal growth.<\/span><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<h2 id=\"link-1882ec07\" class=\"css-ow6j0y eoo0vm40\">Embracing Your Loss<\/h2>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">\u201cThe idea that grief can often be the price of love is helpful in developing resilience,\u201d according to Jessica Harvey, a\u00a0<a class=\"css-1g7m0tk\" title=\"\" href=\"http:\/\/www.jessicaharveytherapy.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">psychotherapist<\/a>\u00a0in Portland, Ore., who specializes in pet grief. \u201cBy focusing on the positive elements of having a pet as the cause of why the hurt is so powerful when they are gone, we can begin to heal.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\">\n<div><span style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen-Sans, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;\">Pets occupy a unique role in our lives. \u201cThey are usually our \u2018roommates,\u2019 part of the household, and they are typically a source of pure warmth and positive experience,\u201d Ms. Harvey said. \u201cHow we are able to manage the temporary reduction of joy and warmth from the missing roommate can be a significant practice in resilience.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-1fanzo5 StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">That loss, of course, can have a startling depth. \u201cFor adults in their upper-20s to mid-30s it\u2019s like losing their innocence as a new adult and being catapulted into reality,\u201d said Dani McVety, a veterinarian and a founder of\u00a0<a class=\"css-1g7m0tk\" title=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lapoflove.com\/Home\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lap of Love<\/a>\u00a0Veterinary Hospice, a national network of veterinarians dedicated solely to end of life care.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">\u201cMany times, people in this age range got their dog or cat at the very beginning of their adulthood. This pet has witnessed them go through college, boyfriends or girlfriends, marriage, children, career developments, and so on. This pet has been the one constant in their life through their biggest growth years.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">How we handle the death of a pet \u201cshapes how we deal with love and loss, conjoined emotions,\u201d said Kaleel Sakakeeny, a pet loss and bereavement\u00a0<a class=\"css-1g7m0tk\" title=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/www.animaltalksinc.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">counselor<\/a>\u00a0who is based in Boston.<\/p>\n<h2 id=\"link-4d9c2753\" class=\"css-ow6j0y eoo0vm40\">From Grief, Building Confidence<\/h2>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">But how does that growth happen? One\u00a0<a class=\"css-1g7m0tk\" title=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/full\/10.1177\/0030222816663411\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">study,<\/a>\u00a0\u201cPost-Traumatic Growth Following the Loss of a Pet,\u201d conducted by Wendy Packman and others, of the Pacific Graduate School of Psychology at Palo Alto University, found that after losing a beloved pet, many of the participants reported an improved ability to relate to others and feel empathy for their problems, an enhanced sense of personal strength, and a greater appreciation of life.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">Lynn Harrington, who lives in The Plains, Va., lost her 15-year-old Norwich terrier, Hap, about a year ago. \u201cFor many months, I couldn\u2019t shake the sadness,\u201d Ms. Harrington said. \u201cAnd during these sad times, I finally remembered a lesson I learned many years ago with the loss of my first dog: Animals that come into our lives are gifts to us and can never be replaced. However, another animal can come to us and help us heal our hearts.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">Shortly after that epiphany, a friend told her about a senior dog that needed a home, and a match was made. \u201cThere isn\u2019t a day that I don\u2019t think of Hap through a photo, a memory shared, or even some funny mannerism I see of him in my rescue dog,\u201d Ms. Harrington said. \u201cThese moments remind me that I\u2019m grateful for the animals in my life \u2014 they teach me about love and that I\u2019m resilient even in times of great challenge or sadness.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">Remembrance itself \u2014 though photos and memorials \u2014 can be healing. \u201cGrief is ongoing,\u201d Ms. Packman said. \u201cRemaining connected to your beloved pet after death can facilitate the bereaved\u2019s ability to cope with loss and the accompanying changes in their lives. Our findings suggest that those who derive comfort from continuing bonds \u2014 holding onto possessions and creating memorials for their pet \u2014 may be more likely to experience post-traumatic growth.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-1fanzo5 StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<h2 id=\"link-6b485e6b\" class=\"css-ow6j0y eoo0vm40\">Life Lessons for Children \u2026<\/h2>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">For children, the loss of a pet can be \u201ca dress rehearsal for losing a human family member,\u201d Dr. Chethik said. \u201cWith the death of a pet, kids are often exposed to a new existential crisis or struggle: the idea of impermanence and mortality. Things we love and care for are not around forever. We can and will lose what and who we love. And we can\u2019t go where we may typically go for comfort \u2014 to our pet.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">For children, this process can be hard to grasp. The death of a family pet can trigger a sense of grief in children that is deep and lingering and that can possibly lead to subsequent mental health issues, according to a new\u00a0<a class=\"css-1g7m0tk\" title=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/www.massgeneral.org\/news\/press-release\/Mass-general-study-finds-that-the-loss-of-a-pet-can-potentially-trigger-mental-health-issues-in-children\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">study<\/a>\u00a0by researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">\u201cThe impact can be traumatic,\u201d wrote Katherine Crawford, the lead author of the paper. \u201cWe found this experience of pet death is often associated with elevated mental health symptoms in children, and that parents and physicians need to recognize and take those symptoms seriously, not simply brush them off.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">Dr. Chethik added: \u201cA child needs to actively grieve and process the loss,\u201d he said. \u201cThe attention, support, honesty, sharing and understanding the child receives during this time of grief will them create an emotional template for the human losses that will inevitably come their way.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">With support from parents and others, the loss of a pet can be a way for children to move forward. \u201cTeaching children how to say goodbye and that the difficult emotions that accompany grief are OK to feel is a powerful lesson,\u201d Ms. Harvey said. \u201cChildren learn that this painful experience\u00a0<em class=\"css-2fg4z9 e1gzwzxm0\">doe<\/em>s start to feel better eventually, and that other difficult situations in the future can as well.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2 id=\"link-415fd8f4\" class=\"css-ow6j0y eoo0vm40\">\u2026 And for Adults<\/h2>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">I\u2019ve reminded myself these past months not to rush the process. Grief slides from the heart in its own time. I\u2019m still talking to Zena and reflexively looking for her when I wake up in the morning. Yet, I know that soon my husband and I will be ready for a next chapter with a new companion.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">This is the second dog we\u2019ve lost during our marriage. We\u2019ve grappled with the sadness each time, but we both know from experience that the love and laughter a pet brings into our lives are worth it.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-axufdj evys1bk0\">As Ms. Harrington said, \u201cJust knowing I can move through that kind of pain and get to the other side really does translate into that lesson that even when things in other parts of my life seem dark, I just need to keep moving through it and the unexpected can happen, bringing joy or opportunity.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><em class=\"css-2fg4z9 e1gzwzxm0\">This article is part of\u00a0<\/em><a class=\"css-1g7m0tk\" title=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/spotlight\/resilience\"><em class=\"css-2fg4z9 e1gzwzxm0\">a series on resilience<\/em><\/a><em class=\"css-2fg4z9 e1gzwzxm0\">\u00a0in troubled times \u2014 what we can learn about it from history and personal experiences.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><span class=\"byline-prefix\">By\u00a0<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\"><span class=\"css-1baulvz last-byline\">Kerry Hannon<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/share-small.png?w=640&#038;ssl=1\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top:5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\",\"Pinterest\",\"Linkedin\",\"StumbleUpon\",\"Digg\",\"Reddit\",\"Bebo\",\"Delicious\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"small\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"Why The Loss of a Pet Can Build Resilience\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p> The death of a family pet can remind us of how vulnerable, precarious and precious life is. It\u2019s that process of acceptance and letting go that builds the resilience necessary to navigate an array of life\u2019s obstacles.<\/p>\n<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"http:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/share-small.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top:5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\",\"Pinterest\",\"Linkedin\",\"StumbleUpon\",\"Digg\",\"Reddit\",\"Bebo\",\"Delicious\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"small\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"Why The Loss of a Pet Can Build Resilience\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6898,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[237],"tags":[443,570,440],"class_list":["post-8769","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-retirement-2","tag-death","tag-pets","tag-resilience"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kerryhannon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/download.png?fit=240%2C210&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3YFQS-2hr","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8769","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8769"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8769\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8774,"href":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8769\/revisions\/8774"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6898"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8769"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8769"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8769"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}