{"id":8082,"date":"2020-01-26T08:17:42","date_gmt":"2020-01-26T12:17:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?p=8082"},"modified":"2020-01-27T10:21:27","modified_gmt":"2020-01-27T14:21:27","slug":"the-best-ways-to-talk-about-the-family-money","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?p=8082","title":{"rendered":"The Best Ways To Talk About The Family Money"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n
\"\"<\/a>Sibling relationships can be a delicate dance, and when money gets tossed into the equation, they can get prickly.<\/div>\n<\/header>\n<\/div>\n
\n
\n
\n

For\u00a0Thomas Lloyd, 43, and his brother\u00a0Stacy B. Lloyd IV, 42, it has been a journey that began with long-ago favoritism by their grandmother\u00a0Rachel Mellon\u00a0of\u00a0Upperville, Va., (known as Bunny) who was married to Paul Mellon, the art patron and philanthropist.<\/p>\n

Mrs. Mellon, who was 103 when she died in March 2014, had arranged that, after funeral expenses were paid and items specified in her will distributed, any remains of her estate would go to the Gerard B. Lambert Foundation, a philanthropic and grant-making nonprofit named for her father. Though her two grandsons received equal inheritances, complications arose when they were given the opportunity to guide the foundation, along with their father, Stacy Lloyd III, who died in 2017.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n

Thomas said that during their childhood, Stacy, the younger sibling, received more attention from their grandmother, or Granbunny, as they called her. But Thomas, who is a certified financial planner and wealth adviser at\u00a0Hemington Wealth Management<\/a> in Falls Church, Va., now presides as president over the foundation, overseeing about $80 million in assets. His brother \u2014 who would not comment for this article except to say he was glad their story was being shared \u2014 is a director.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n

The brothers never had a close relationship, and trying to work together to make the required charitable donations from the foundation\u00a0strained it, according to Thomas. He said his younger brother did not return phone calls. Deadlines were missed. Frustration and resentment mounted.<\/p>\n

Click here to read story on The New York Times<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

This happens when siblings cannot talk about money, or when one family member is supposed to be overseeing a financial obligation that involves all the siblings and the communication is shut down, said\u00a0James Grubman<\/a>,<\/a>\u00a0a psychologist and founder\u00a0of\u00a0FamilyWealth Consulting.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was unreliable,\u201d Mr. Lloyd said.\u00a0\u201cI would send emails, \u2018I need your thoughts\u00a0on this specific issue, or a decision about grant distributions,\u2019 and he would never meet those deadlines,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

There are so many emotional aspects for siblings when it comes to financial dealings, Mr. Grubman said: \u201cParents or grandparents often never spend any time preparing adult children for what is coming ahead. This is usually built upon fear. Fear of entitlement. Fear of demotivating a beneficiary.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n

While money issues may appear to be the cause of sibling angst, they are usually about far more than that, experts say. Money is often how we keep a tally of love, approval and fairness.<\/p>\n

\u201cA common pitfall is when there has been a history of favoritism among siblings,\u201d Mr. Grubman said. \u201cThat is a big recipe for disaster. When Mom and Dad or grandparents have played favorites, or never communicated and pushed this down to the next generation, the legacy of conflict is more important than the inheritance.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

The money may get passed on, Mr. Grubman said, \u201cbut it travels with all the family dynamics, the resentments, the jealousies, the favoritism, the avoidance of conflicts, and that\u2019s the real inheritance that siblings have to deal with.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n