{"id":6318,"date":"2017-05-14T07:01:52","date_gmt":"2017-05-14T11:01:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?p=6318"},"modified":"2017-05-14T07:03:49","modified_gmt":"2017-05-14T11:03:49","slug":"sheryl-sandbergs-advice-on-option-b-at-work-after-a-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?p=6318","title":{"rendered":"Sheryl Sandberg’s Advice on \u2018Option B\u2019 at Work After a Loss"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>Talk about a bestseller from the get-go. Facebook\u2019s Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg and Wharton professor Adam Grant have written what promises to be a blockbuster: Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy<\/em><\/a>. The book is named after the guidance a friend gave Sandberg following the sudden 2015 death of her husband Dave Goldberg, then CEO of SurveyMonkey, at 47.<\/header>\n
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Much of the book is Sandberg sharing her advice on how to recover from adversity and find joy in your life again. Since I write articles<\/a> and books about working<\/a>, I wanted to read Option B<\/em> to see what Sandberg had to say about returning to work after a painful, personal loss.<\/div>\n
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Read on Forbes<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

A Shorthand Review of \u2018Option B\u2019<\/h3>\n

My shorthand review: She has some wise recommendations \u2014 including ones for anyone who works, not just those recovering from a loss. I\u2019ll get to these shortly. But some of her advice (and Grant\u2019s, though the book is written in her voice), while heartfelt, is filled with the clich\u00e9s we\u2019ve heard for years from self-help gurus. \u201cCounting blessings can actually increase happiness and health by reminding us of the good things in life,\u201d she writes. One of the things I liked least in the book: when Sandberg equates loss of life with the loss of a job and advocates using similar tools to combat both.<\/p>\n

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Sheryl Sandberg, co-author of the new book, \u2018Option B\u2019<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Sheryl Sandberg on Bereavement<\/h3>\n

As I wrote in this Next Avenue post<\/a>, Sandberg returned to work 10 days after her husband\u2019s death. She said that helped her forget about death even for brief seconds and to see that there were things in her life that were not awful. But not everyone is hardwired the way Sandberg is and \u2014to her credit \u2014 in the book, she recognizes that.<\/p>\n

One way to bounce back after a failure at work, says Sandberg: learn to listen to feedback. Many of us have trouble with this one.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also why Sandberg advocates strongly for employers to offer a lengthy bereavement leave for their employees. Partly as a result of her experience, Sandberg announced in February that Facebook now offers 20 days of time off for employees mourning the death of an immediate family member, 10 for a member of their extended family.<\/p>\n

Sheryl Sandberg on Resilience<\/h3>\n

I was particularly taken by Sandberg\u2019s view in Option B<\/em> that \u201cwe plant the seeds of resilience in the way we process negative events.\u201d This is critical. And it\u2019s the very root of learning to move on when bad things happen, in my opinion. Her advice stems from the research done by psychologist Martin Seligman.<\/p>\n

\u201cMartin Seligman found that three P\u2019s can stunt recovery: (1) personalization \u2014 the belief that we are at fault; (2) pervasiveness \u2014 the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life; and (3) permanence \u2014 the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever,\u201d Sandberg writes.<\/p>\n

She then explains how she fought back from the three P\u2019s. \u201cSlowly I began to regain my self-confidence at work,\u201d Sandberg says. \u201cI told myself the things I had told others who doubted themselves: I didn\u2019t have to aim for perfection. I didn\u2019t have to believe in myself all of the time. I just had to believe I could contribute a little bit and then a little bit more.\u201d<\/p>\n

She\u2019s right. Progress, not perfection, is how I refer to it.<\/p>\n

\"\"Bouncing Back After a Work Failure<\/h3>\n

One of my favorite parts of the book is when Sandberg offers tips on how to at work after a failure. Here, I think her advice is applicable to all of us who work.<\/p>\n

At Facebook, Sandberg says, managers recognize that \u201cto encourage people to take risks, we have to embrace and learn from failure.\u201d She bolsters that approach by concluding: \u201cTeams that focus on learning from failure outperform those what don\u2019t.\u201d (She encourages companies to create cultures where \u201cfailure is seen as a learning opportunity\u201d and where it\u2019s \u201csafe to talk about mistakes.\u201d)<\/p>\n

One way to bounce back after a failure at work, says Sandberg: learn to listen to feedback. Many of us have trouble with this one. Sandberg confides that some people criticized how she was dealing with her grief. It shocked her, but ultimately, it helped her to hear this, she notes.<\/p>\n

Constructive criticism at work can be touchy, though. We don\u2019t want to appear weak or less than.<\/p>\n

When Others See What You Don\u2019t<\/h3>\n

But, as Sandberg writes: \u201cWe all have blind spots \u2014 weaknesses that other people see but we don\u2019t. Sometimes we\u2019re in denial. Other times we simply don\u2019t know what we\u2019re doing wrong.\u201d She adds: \u201cThe people who have taught me the most in my career are the ones who pointed out what I didn\u2019t see.\u201d<\/p>\n

This is where learning not to take things personally at work comes into play.<\/p>\n

\u201cBeing open to criticism means you get even more feedback, which makes you better,\u201d Sandberg writes. \u201cOne way to lessen the sting of criticism is to evaluate how well you handle it.\u201d<\/p>\n

The ability to listen to feedback, says Sandberg, is a sign of resilience and some of those who do it best gained from that strength.<\/p>\n

Sandberg advises: \u201cOne of the best ways to see ourselves clearly is to ask others to hold up a mirror.\u201d If you welcome the criticism, she maintains, you can learn from it.<\/p>\n

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By Kerry Hannon<\/a>\u00a0<\/span>Money & Work Expert<\/span><\/strong><\/div>\n

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