{"id":6169,"date":"2017-02-19T06:59:11","date_gmt":"2017-02-19T10:59:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?p=6169"},"modified":"2017-02-19T06:59:11","modified_gmt":"2017-02-19T10:59:11","slug":"why-the-new-facebook-bereavement-policy-matters","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?p=6169","title":{"rendered":"Why The New Facebook Bereavement Policy Matters"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg announced last week that the company now offers 20 days of time off for employees mourning the death of an immediate family member, 10 for a member of their extended family. Now, I believe, it\u2019s time for more employers to take Facebook\u2019s lead.<\/header>\n
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After a parent, spouse or other loved one dies, your life can be a blur as I can attest from personal experience.<\/div>\n
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When my dad died a few years ago, at 88, after battling Alzheimer\u2019s, I was heartbroken that I would never look into those blue eyes of his again. But there were things to do straightaway: travel arrangements, funeral arrangements<\/a>, writing an obituary<\/a> and a eulogy, entertaining out-of-town mourners and \u2014 with my three siblings \u2014looking after Mom.Working while grieving is a challenge personally and practically. But in many cases, employees have no choice.For those employers that do offer bereavement leave, the period of absence is usually limited to a few days.<\/p>\n

Bereavement Policies at Employers in America<\/h3>\n

The Fair Labor Standards Act doesn\u2019t require employers pay workers for time off to attend a funeral. That said, 60 percent of all workers and 71 percent of full-time workers do get paid funeral leave due to a death in the family, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics<\/a> (BLS). For those that do offer it, however, \u201cthe period of absence is usually limited to a few days (for example, three paid days for immediate family members and one paid day for other relatives),\u201d according to BLS.<\/p>\n

The Society for Human Resource Management\u2019s (SHRM) 2016 Employee Benefits report,<\/a> based on a poll of SHRM members, revealed that 81 percent of employers surveyed provide paid days for bereavement leave. On average, they give workers four days off following the death of a spouse or child; three days for a domestic partner, foster child, grandchild, parent, sibling or grandparent and one or two days for extended family members of a spouse\u2019s relative, according to the SHRM 2016 Paid Leave in the Workplace Survey<\/a>.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s good, but a far cry from Facebook\u2019s 10 to 20 days.<\/p>\n

Read on PBS Next Avenue<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

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\u201cFamily-friendly policies like the one announced by Facebook are part of a broader recognition by employers that it is important to support their employees as they balance their work and personal lives,\u201d Kate Wilber, Mary Pickford Foundation Professor of Gerontology, at the USC Leonard Davis School of Gerontology, told me. \u201cExtending bereavement support acknowledges a family member\u2019s need for time to recover and regroup.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ellen Galinsky, president and co-founder of the Families and Work Institute,<\/a> was pleasantly surprised by Facebook\u2019s generous policy. \u201cIt\u2019s unusual for a company to offer this benefit,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

Sheryl Sandberg\u2019s Personal Loss<\/h3>\n

But it follows from Sandberg\u2019s wrenching experience \u2014 the sudden 2015 death of her husband Dave Goldberg, then CEO of SurveyMonkey, at 47.<\/p>\n

While an extended bereavement policy can be a potentially pricey benefit for employers, firms might be smart (and kindhearted) to consider it.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you feel like your company is there for you in a really hard time, it means the world,\u201d Galinsky said. \u201cEmployees think: \u2018I try to be there for them when they need me. Are they there for me when I need them?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

For employers, the upside of offering this kind of bereavement benefit is employee retention, explained Galinsky.<\/p>\n

Sandberg outlined Facebook\u2019s improved policy at the 2017 Makers conference<\/a>, as well as in a post on her Facebook page,<\/a> where she wrote about her personal experience with bereavement leave. Clearly, she struck a chord with her followers. The last time I checked, her post had more than 900 comments from people telling their own tales of work and grief and it had been \u201cshared\u201d by more than 3,000 people.<\/p>\n

Why Facebook Did It<\/h3>\n

Here\u2019s part of what Sandberg wrote:<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople should be able both to work and be there for their families. No one should face this trade-off. We need public policies that make it easier for people to care for their children and aging parents and for families to mourn and heal after loss.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Sandberg went back to work 10 days after her husband\u2019s death. \u201cStarting the transition back to work has been a savior, a chance to feel useful and connected,\u201d she wrote on her Facebook page<\/a> on June 3, 2015.<\/p>\n

Going Back to Work After a Loss<\/h3>\n

But the return to her job wasn\u2019t easy initially. In a commencement speech at UC Berkeley last year, Sandberg said: \u201cI remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze. All I could think was, \u2018What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?\u2019 But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second \u2014 a brief split second \u2014 I forgot about death. That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful. My children and I were healthy. My friends and family were so loving and they carried us \u2014quite literally at times.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Jill Smolowe,<\/a> a grief coach, author of the memoir Four Funerals and a Wedding: Resilience in a Time of Grief<\/a> and a Next Avenue contributor <\/a>applauds the new Facebook policy. \u201cAnything that broadens the options for bereaved people is a positive,\u201d she said. \u201cBut I also want to stress that for many people work is a lifeline. Getting back into a routine, back into a familiar environment is what they need most.\u201d<\/p>\n

Smolowe, too, speaks from personal experience. During a 17-month period starting in 2009, she buried her husband, sister, mother and mother-in-law.<\/p>\n

Returning to her job as a senior writer at People after a 10-day bereavement leave, Smolowe said, \u201cforced my mind out of the grief space for little periods at a time. What you are trying to do is break up that hum of sorrow. If you have even five minutes in a workday where you forget yourself for five minutes to focus on the financial report before you, the kids in your classroom, whatever it is, that helps.\u201d<\/p>\n

Keeping Your World Moving<\/h3>\n

Work can be the pick-me-up that keeps your world moving after a loss.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you\u2019re bereaved \u2014 I say this as a coach who has listened to many people as well as someone who has experienced grief multiple times \u2014 your world shrinks down to the fact of the person\u2019s absence,\u201d Smolowe explained. \u201cWork can jar your thinking and move it somewhere else. If you\u2019re forced by deadlines to focus on the work that\u2019s in front of you, that\u2019s where your concentration will be, not on this person who is missing. The more you can push out those parameters, even if it doesn\u2019t feel good at the moment, is a process of widening your world back out to be more than the fact of that person\u2019s absence. Sandberg knew that instinctively. She went back to work quickly.\u201d<\/p>\n

That said, Smolowe cautioned: \u201cThere are people who will want every one of those 20 days. But please don\u2019t feel compelled to take it. The key is that bereavement is very personal. If someone needs those 20 days, that\u2019s great \u2014 but don\u2019t feel obligated.\u201d<\/p>\n

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