{"id":3301,"date":"2013-10-05T19:42:22","date_gmt":"2013-10-05T23:42:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?p=3301"},"modified":"2013-11-05T07:01:53","modified_gmt":"2013-11-05T11:01:53","slug":"the-one-way-women-can-stress-less-at-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?p=3301","title":{"rendered":"The One Way Women Can Stress Less At Work"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"forbes\"<\/a>Here\u2019s a new word for you:\u00a0satisficing<\/em>. At least it\u2019s new to me. And it may be a word midlife women need to become comfortable with to manage their careers and lower their stress.<\/p>\n

Satisficing is an economics term that might best be translated as \u201ca combination of cutting corners and settling for second best,\u201d writes Debora Spar, in her new bestseller,\u00a0Wonder Women: Sex, Power, and the Quest for Perfection<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

The Fallacy of Having It All<\/strong><\/p>\n

Spar, 50, who is also president of Barnard College, is a fervent advocate of this tactic. InWonder Women<\/em>, she writes that one message women took away from the battles for equal rights in the \u201860s and \u201870s was that they\u00a0could<\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0should<\/em>\u00a0have it all \u2014 perfect families, high-level jobs, incredible bodies and more. But, the married mother of three says, it\u2019s not possible.<\/p>\n

(MORE:<\/strong>\u00a0How Women Should Plot Their Careers After 50<\/a>)<\/p>\n

What\u2019s more, she provocatively asserts, women of all ages (including those in their 50s and 60s who\u2019ve hit a wall on their climb to the top of the work pyramid) need to accept reality and stop whining and male bashing.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not as if evil men are sitting in the corner offices plotting ways to keep women from gaining more ground,\u201d Spar writes. \u201cOn the contrary, most major corporations now \u2014 along with hospitals, law firms, universities and banks \u2014 have entire units devoted to helping women (and minorities) succeed.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not completely on board with her on that one.<\/p>\n

Sexism in the Workplace<\/strong><\/p>\n

Although I don\u2019t think there is a nefarious plot afoot, I have experienced the old-boy network in action and have been\u00a0paid less than men<\/a>\u00a0doing the same work. I also know plenty of women who\u2019ve grown tired of being patronized in meetings, as well as ones who didn\u2019t get promoted after they took time out to care for kids and aging parents.<\/p>\n

(MORE:<\/strong>\u00a0Does Being a Mom Help or Hurt Your Career?<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Spar concedes that\u00a0working women in their 60s<\/a>\u00a0may well have dealt with sexism on the employment front, particularly early in their careers.\u00a0\u201cThey really were part of the first generation in and certainly would have been distinct minorities as they climbed higher and higher in the ranks,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

That said, I\u2019m intrigued by Spar\u2019s feisty worldview: Let\u2019s stop blaming everyone else and start taking responsibility for our actions. And I agree, theoretically, with her notion that women should take a satisficing approach to their careers to live happier lives.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s About Possibilities, Not Settling<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI am advocating \u2018satisficing\u2019 for women of all ages,\u201d she told me. \u201cBut I wouldn\u2019t want women to hear that as lowering your ambitions. It really is thinking more creatively about the whole array of possibilities. If you can think about decisions as an array of possibilities, it takes a lot of the pressure off.\u201d<\/p>\n

For instance, Spar says, when she was younger, she wanted to go into Foreign Service. But she realized that it would be difficult to do it and raise a family, so she chose a second option: academia. \u201cI did not see that as giving up. I saw that as, \u2018Gee, let me see what else I can do,\u2019\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

It comes down to redefining choice, says Spar.<\/p>\n

She believes that women must decide which piece of the perfect picture to relinquish, rework or delay and then figure out how to make it all work.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey need to pick some areas of their lives where they strive for greatness and others where they settle comfortably for less,\u201d she writes\u00a0in\u00a0Wonder Women<\/em>. \u201cThey need \u2014 consciously, explicitly and happily \u2014 to take whole chunks of activities off their to-do lists and add still others to their to-do-less-well lists.\u201d<\/p>\n

Amen. There\u2019s nothing I like better than \u201cleaning out<\/a>\u201d by scratching things off my list. But tempering our big-picture dreams is easier said than done.<\/p>\n

Spar\u2019s Other Contrarian Ideas<\/strong><\/p>\n

Here are two more of Spar\u2019s contrarian ideas that I think boomer women might want to consider. At the very least, they make great launching points for a discussion over coffee.<\/p>\n

1. Many women aren\u2019t reaching the highest rung on the corporate ladder because they\u2019ve chosen to stop climbing, not because men have blocked them.\u00a0<\/strong>Spar admits that leadership statistics are dismal for women in their 50s and 60s. \u201cEven though these women did enter the workforce generationally in pretty big numbers, they have not ascended to the highest level of powers in pretty much any industry.\u201d<\/p>\n

But she doesn\u2019t blame that on men. \u201cWomen are not getting fired from midlevel positions at accounting or law firms; they are not disproportionately being denied tenure at major research universities,\u201d she writes. \u201cThey are deciding that they need to stay at home or work part-time or\u00a0step away from the fast track<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Again, it\u2019s about making choices. \u201cWhen the choice is between compromising a job and compromising a family,\u201d says Spar, \u201cwomen seem more inclined to focus on the family, men to stick with the job that pays the bills.\u201d<\/p>\n

I asked her to elaborate. \u201cIf women do have the luxury to decide whether or not to work, there is a certain exhaustion factor that just can kick in,\u201d she says. \u201cIf you have been climbing and scrambling for 30 years and are dealing with home pressures or taking care of elderly parents and you\u2019re not seeing satisfaction in your job or a clear path to success, at some point you just may want to stop and do something else.\u201d<\/p>\n

Women married to men who make a load of money exit the workforce at higher rates than those married to men who earn less, notes Spar. It doesn\u2019t seem to matter how high the woman\u2019s salary is. This seems to jibe with a recent report on NPR\u2019s Marketplace show that said\u00a0boomer women have led the job-market exodus<\/a>\u00a0after the Great Recession.<\/p>\n

Often, Spar says, women are choosing to leave their fields because they entered them haphazardly or by default and are no longer keen on that line of work.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve found this to be true, too.<\/p>\n

Recently, my sister-in-law, who\u2019s 53, stopped working because she wasn\u2019t energized by her banking job. Actually, she never really was, even though she spent more than 25 years in the field. Now that my brother is making a healthy income and the kids are launched, she could call it quits. These days, she delights in volunteering and playing golf.<\/p>\n

Spar says women are fleeing a number of fields, from banking to accounting to law. However, she adds, there are other professions where women seem to be staying, including medicine, academia and entrepreneurial ventures.<\/p>\n

I asked her to explain the dichotomy. \u201cI think you see attrition in fields where your value is determined by how many hours you are sitting at your desk,\u201d says Spar. \u201cIf you never really loved your job and never truly reveled in the day-to-day work, then it will be harder to embrace the tradeoffs that these professions require and easier over time to pull back.\u201d<\/p>\n

2. Networking can be a waste of time.\u00a0<\/strong>In her book Spar writes about hearing an esteemed Harvard professor boast of never going to conferences or chatting with her colleagues.<\/p>\n

To me, this idea of skipping\u00a0networking opportunities<\/a>\u00a0sounds utterly stupid and potentially harmful to your career, although perhaps in tenured academia it\u2019s less detrimental.\u00a0\u201cWhen I heard that comment at 21 I was horrified,\u201d Spar says. \u201cBut if you really want to have a stellar career and be a mom and have a family life, something has got to give.\u201d<\/p>\n

And, she adds, some of us are wasting precious hours by networking unwisely.\u00a0\u201cI think we blithely assume that networking is always good and more networking is always better,\u201d Spar says.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s a trap \u2014 and not just for women, of course.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you network all the time, you are not getting your job done,\u201d says Spar, \u201cand, ultimately, professional success comes from doing a good job. \u201cNetworking is important when you want to broaden the array of people who will know you and your good work, but you have to\u00a0do<\/em>\u00a0the good work.\u201d<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t agree more.<\/p>\n

\"Kerry<\/a>Kerry Hannon<\/a>,\u00a0Contributor<\/p>\n

Kerry Hannon has spent more than 25 years covering personal finance for Forbes, Money, U.S. News & World Report and USA Today. Her website is\u00a0kerryhannon.com<\/a>. Follow her on Twitter\u00a0@kerryhannon<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

(Read<\/strong>\u00a0this column \u00a0on Forbes.com<\/a>)<\/p>\n

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