{"id":2245,"date":"2012-10-16T17:57:21","date_gmt":"2012-10-16T21:57:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?p=2245"},"modified":"2012-10-16T17:57:21","modified_gmt":"2012-10-16T21:57:21","slug":"next-avenue-hey-girlfriend-lets-talk-about-money","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kerryhannon.com\/?p=2245","title":{"rendered":"Next Avenue: Hey, Girlfriend: Let’s Talk About Money"},"content":{"rendered":"
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When my 50-something girlfriends and I talk about money, it usually involves something like how much we saved on a great pair of shoes, an unbelievably low airfare we scored shopping around online or a local hairdresser who doesn\u2019t charge an arm and a leg.We never discuss the deeper money issues that can help us achieve our financial goals, like investing, insurance or estate planning. But that’s what we should be talking about.(MORE:\u00a0<\/strong>The Big Money Mistake Many Americans Are Making<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Women: Chief Financial Officers at Home<\/strong><\/p>\n

As I blogged previously on Next Avenue,\u00a0women are typically the chief financial officers of their households<\/a>, paying the bills, cutting the tuition checks and on and on (they’re generally not managing the investments, though). So why aren\u2019t we helping one another manage our finances better?<\/p>\n

We have to stop tabling discussions about money with friends if we want to achieve long-term financial security. From my experience, women tend to learn the most when they talk things out.<\/p>\n

Prince Charming Isn\u2019t Coming<\/strong><\/p>\n

I was reminded of this during a recent\u00a0She Makes Change<\/em>\u00a0webinar<\/a>\u00a0presented by the Women\u2019s Philanthropy Institute at the Center on Philanthropy at Indiana University. One of the panelists,Barbara Stanny<\/a>, author of\u00a0Prince Charming Isn’t Coming: How Women Get Smart About Money<\/em><\/a>, was adamant that women need to have more conversations with one another about personal finances and investing.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe more we can talk about money with our girlfriends, the better,” she said. “If you can ask things like ‘What mutual fund have you bought?’ or ‘What are you doing in this economy?’ \u2014 it’s very powerful.\u201d<\/p>\n

Stanny, whose father was the \u201cR\u201d in H&R Block, concedes she lived her life in a financial fog until a disastrous divorce prompted her to write the\u00a0Prince Charming<\/em>\u00a0book. Today, she offers coaching and seminars to help women build confidence about their finances.<\/p>\n

\u201cI believe we could demystify money for every woman by simply talking openly about finances, regardless of how uninformed we may feel,\u201d Stanny said.<\/p>\n

I agree.<\/p>\n

Why We Don\u2019t Talk About Money<\/strong><\/p>\n

I think one reason we don\u2019t talk about money with our girlfriends is that we find the subject uncomfortable. We\u2019re hardwired\u00a0not\u00a0<\/em>to discuss it. In my family, when I was growing up in the ’60s and ’70s, we talked a lot around the dinner table about my dad\u2019s business and the companies he consulted for. Our family\u2019s finances and investments? Not a word.<\/p>\n

(MORE:<\/strong>\u00a0Money Tips to Make It Through a Layoff<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Some of us feel we don\u2019t know enough about personal finances and are afraid to reveal that; if you haven’t taken charge of the investment side of your family’s finances, you’re less inclined to discuss the topic. We\u2019re also fearful of divulging how well we\u2019re doing (or not doing).<\/p>\n

But we don\u2019t seem to have any trouble bragging about bargains we\u2019ve found. That was the soul of my mother-in-law\u2019s life. She could find one anywhere and boasted with great aplomb about it.<\/p>\n

Smart investing and financial planning, however, has been left behind closed doors for many of us, as it was for my mother-in-law. (When she died two years ago, at 85, we discovered that she was actually a pretty good investor. She just never mentioned it.)<\/p>\n

The \u2018Female Financial Paradox\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n

As Geraldine Sealey recently wrote in a\u00a0Real Simple article posted on Time\u2019s Moneyland site<\/a>, many of us boomer women are \u201cpart of a phenomenon that some money experts have dubbed \u2018the female financial paradox.\u2019”<\/p>\n

Sealey admits she followed the crowd. \u201cLike millions of other women, I was perfectly happy to pinch pennies and hunt down sales,” she wrote, “yet I couldn\u2019t muster the slightest interest in big-picture financial planning.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sadly, the financial services industry doesn\u2019t do much to help.\u00a0Many advisers continue to intimidate and scoff at women<\/a>, leading to a rocky relationship.<\/p>\n

So, do me a favor: Make a resolution (even if it isn\u2019t Jan. 1) to start talking money, girlfriend to girlfriend. Here\u2019s how:<\/p>\n

3 Ways to Talk More About Money<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. Make money a regular topic of conversation with your most trusted girlfriends<\/strong>. You don\u2019t need to plunge right into which stocks or mutual funds you\u2019re investing in. Take it slowly.<\/p>\n

Begin by asking for tips on a financial topic that you want to know more about. Women love to give advice; you and your friends probably do it all the time, recommending the best local stores, doctors and restaurants.<\/p>\n

A few possible subjects: how to shop for long-term care insurance, where to earn more on your savings, the pros and cons of refinancing a mortgage, whether to cut back on life insurance, how to lower caregiving costs for your parents \u2014 the big-ticket items that mean a lot as we get older. Once you and your friends get comfortable talking about things like these, you can then venture into discussions about investing, which might motivate the less-experienced to dip their toes in.<\/p>\n

Ask about articles they\u2019ve read and casually mention any you\u2019ve seen. You might even suggest financial writers to follow on Twitter or Like on Facebook. Then, you can chat about what you\u2019ve gleaned from their postings. The key is to weave money into the fabric of a routine chat.<\/p>\n

2. Start a money book club<\/strong>. Women love book clubs; I get asked to join them all the time. The good thing about a money book club is that it can force you to read books you might never have picked up on your own.<\/p>\n

If possible, invite a local financial author or financial journalist from the local paper (or its website) to stop in for a session. A free meal might be the only lure you need.<\/p>\n

3. Create a money-circle discussion group.<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cWomen are good at conversations and listening,\u201d says Peg Downey, a founder of\u00a0Directions for Women<\/a>, a financial education and consulting firm based in McLean, Va. (The site offers a $39\u00a0webinar on how to organize a money circle<\/a>.) A money-circle group lets you and your friends institute regular conversations about finances; I encourage you to invite younger women into the circle, too.<\/p>\n

Downey suggests starting the circle discussions by sharing such stories as what each of you was taught about money as a child, your first money experiences, how your parents handled money and your worst money mistakes.<\/p>\n

Then, move into conversations about recent money moves you\u2019ve made, encouraging one another. \u201cWomen will discover their commonality this way, and also start to feel safer about broaching additional topics,\u201d Downey says.<\/p>\n

Above all, make your money klatches\u00a0positive<\/em>. Don\u2019t get suckered into complaining about money matters or ways to defend your purchases to your husbands or partners.<\/p>\n

And don\u2019t let the money discussions devolve into any kind of competition.<\/p>\n

In my experience, men consider investing to be a game; often, bragging seems to be the tenor of their money conversations. But it\u2019s not about who\u2019s smarter or richer. It\u2019s about how we\u2019ll reach our financial goals together.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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posted by\u00a0Kerry Hannon<\/a>, October 2, 2012\u00a0More by this author<\/a><\/p>\n

\"womenKerry Hannon has spent more than 25 years covering personal finance for Forbes, Money, U.S. News & World Report, and USA Today. Her website iskerryhannon.com<\/a>. Follow her on Twitter\u00a0@kerryhannon<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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